mark clayson

Well here we are - the end of November. My bite plate has been in position since July. It's there to correct an overbite. Has it been corrected - the hell it has!

Apparently, and orthodontists throughout the world will clarify if needed, if the back teeth are not touching then the try to "meet" in occlusion by somehow developing in the jaw or socket area. I think it is clever that teeth and jaws consider us in this way.

The human body is an amazing thing - unless you are 51. If I was 20 I expect my teeth would be well over 6 inches long now. As it is, there has been little or no change. The bite plate causes some soreness and it's position seems to have altered. But other than that, no change.

So I had two appointments booked but had to rearrange as I was on vacation. Nothing odd in that you may think except to say my first of the new rearranged appointments was the day after I came back from vacation and I FORGOT to go. That's bad.

The orthodontist had two methods of punishment. The first was to send round a gang of rough looking lads who proceeded to bundle me into their waiting car and took me to a disused mineshaft well away from the public gaze. Thereupon they subjected me to a full 2 hours of bad jokes and Kylie Minogue songs until I could stand it no longer. The jokes were tolerable but the singing is more than anyone could bear although a couple of the guys had good voices and I have since linked them up with a friend of mine who runs a local church choir.

The second punishment was for the orthodontist to remark that he didn't want me to come again till the New Year. It seems a long time to me but I figure the longer the better and in any case if my teeth aren't "growing" then the longer time before the appointment the greater chance of something being done next time. As it is I am looking to complete the braces journey sometime in 2025.

Apart from the missed appointment I have been a good boy. I can eat most things with the bite plate and a good number of things without it (never chewing). I am in no particular hurry as the longer he takes to strut his clever stuff, the longer it will be before my extraction. That HAS to be a good thing.