mark clayson

A New Year - so, New Teeth? No, not yet.

Those of you that are regular readers of my blog ("hi Mum!") will know of the story of the last 9 months. Basically, in a sentence, I have been wearing a bite plate for over 6 months to help correct an overbite yet there has been little progress. I say it's my age - 51.

However, when I went for my appointment yesterday, my orthodontist said it WASN'T necessarily due to my age which felt nice to hear. perhaps my youthful appearance and streetwise manner had fooled him into thinking I was younger than I am. Whatever, it made me feel youthful and somewhat justified my recent successful application to join the Breakdancing Demonstration Group run from my local Community Centre.

And, the ortho didn't seem to be too bothered by the fact that I missed the last appointment although he did offer his hand in a handshake right at the start. Just as well he did as I was ready to perform a double half-nelson coupled with a well aimed rabbit punch should he have said but a single word on the matter. I am not usually a violent person but something builds up inside of me at the orthodontist's.

The waiting room has changed. They say it is progress, I say differently. Now we are all facing one wall as if in a tiny cinema but without a good film being shown. And I didn't smell any popcorn. We were crowded in so tightly that nobody dared move and none of us spoke. I, personally, decided to remain quiet simply because I had nobody with me and any chatter emanating from my mouth would have no doubt been met with a swift phone call to the local psychiatric department followed by daily ECT for a week. Or, at least, that's what happened with my Aunt Gladys though she was also claiming to be Jesus at the time and threatening to chop off the head of anybody that would disagree.

Anyhow, the atmosphere was just like at a morgue. I was waiting for the embalming party to start.

It didn't start and, surprisingly, the atmosphere improved when I was called in. No, the surprise was not because of the handshake but the outcome. After putting in 7 separators my ortho informed me that I will be, at last, getting braces next week! Oh joy. But the overbite is no better so he is changing the schedule.

After kissing him fervently on the lips for what the nurse said was over a minute (although I still state I disengaged after 38 seconds) I was on my way with seps in my teeth and springs in my steps.

Roll on 19th ...