mark clayson

So, there we are. The power of the sale, the lust for money and the thrust for wealth. It's all there in black and white. Orthodonistry is corrupt.

Why do I say that? Because of the spinach.

But what has spinach to do with orthodontics and the power of the sale?

I remember back to those heady days in the 'donto's office. I remember all the pretty pictures of young men and women with winning smiles. The ortho and his staff all related their own stories of how THEY had had braces and never regretted it.

Even Tiddles the cat had been fitted up with them I'm sure I heard them say - he had gone on to father 4 healthy litters.

No disadvantages, all good stuff.

Isn't it funny how when you hand over $6000 things change. No I am not talking about the 7 months in a bite plate, nor the 3 or 4 ulcers that developed seemingly from nothing.

I am talking about the spinach.

There I was, in a casino of all places. It was a celebration and I had a meal with my family. Things were going well. Laughter was aplenty.

After our small feast we retired to a roulette table. We are not big gamblers but we were celebrating a new job that my son had got and we were in high spirits. The sounds of the slot machines in the background merged seamlessly with the clickety-clacking of the balls on the several roulette wheels. The Frank Sinatra tribute guy was strutting his stuff over the speakers. Joy.

Then it happened. The croupier was about to spin the wheel and release the ball at my table. I felt good. Already a few dollars up.

Suddenly everything came to a crashing halt. The wheel spun noiselessly. The croupier stopped what she was doing. The other punters became silent and looked my way. The slot machines crashed to an eerie silence and Frank was wailing no more.

The whole casino was completely still and gazing my way.

The reason became clear after my wife had handed me her mirror (the snazzy one bedecked with fake jewels that I bought her as a birthday present).

Down one side of my chin, emanating from the corner of my mouth, was a huge string of spinach. Closer examination revealed that the origin of the huge dark green monstrosity was one of the molar brackets. The ortho told me to brush after every meal but I thought he was just having a laugh - he's that type of guy.

I felt bad. Everyone felt bad. A couple of people started retching.

To move on. Using the mirror I managed to catch the offending spinach with my nail and flicked it out of my mouth. Whether it was a sharp blast from the air conditioning unit or something else, the food article landed on the roulette table smack bang in the center of number 14. Never one to miss an opportunity, and after clearing up the spittle and green smudge, that was the number I bet on. It came up trumps and I was $36 better off.

That was spent the next day on a toothbrush, toothpaste, a small mirror and a dinky ladies handbag for me to carry it all in.

Every cloud has a silver, as opposed to green, lining.