mark clayson

So, my 2nd wire change came and went and to say I was not happy is an understatement. The ortho very kindly explained that I had had 2 round wires up till that point and now I was to have a rectangular one.

Nooooooo!!!

Of course, don't let me start telling the ortho his job. I have already given the staff many tips on how to enhance the waiting room and a few pointers on their dress sense and make-up. After telling them this they appeared to be very agitated and upset. The lady next to me in the waiting room said that I had insulted them and that they didn't take kindly to my ill-founded advice. I pointed out to her that they were not angry with ME but simply angry with themselves for not attending to the bleeding obvious. In fact, I am waiting for a "Thank You" card to arrive any day now in the mail. I feel it is my civic duty to share these observations and the ortho's place can only be better for it.

Back to the wire ...

A friend of mine broke her arm a few months ago. Now, in the past, such an injury would have been put into a white Plaster-of-Paris cast and left to fester for 2 months. But, nowadays, there are all manner of cast types and, importantly, many colors. She had "Pretty Pink" but she could have chosen "Baby Blue" or "Raunchy Red".

With such advances in technology was it REALLY unreasonable for me to expect a choice of archwire? Instead of the boring steel-silver rectangular one why not have a gold or pink one that's triangular or star shaped? Is my ortho really THAT far behind in dental technology?

Of course I am joking a bit. The fact is, I admit, that I don't suit pink one iota. Ever since the incident when I spilt beer down my pink taffeta dress I have had an aversion to the color and frankly it is just not me. I would be unhappy if my ortho had suggested it and thankfully I didn't have to let him down by refusing.

But a gold star shaped wire would have been lovely. I would feel a bit like a gangster or some spy-adversary out of James Bond. It would have raised my self esteem and frightened my neighbor to death - something that I have been trying to do ever since he threw bleach on my geraniums in response to my dog pooing in his garden.

The other function of a gold archwire would have been to remove the sheer boredom of it all. Every day I look at my teeth and they have not moved appreciably. I have more photos of my teeth than I do of my cats and THAT is saying something. Even my cats change a bit as the weeks go by.

So I am left with silver and rectangular. My next appointment is in July - if the girls on reception let me in, that is.